I’m overtaken by the what if and find myself in a constant blank stare stuck with the thought of last Thursday..
My initial thought when I received the news was, “wait, I swear she made a typo, yeah, that’s it, she meant his grandmother”.. That’s truly what I wanted to believe and without hesitation or a reply, I called to clear the miscommunication.
I wasn’t ready for that. I was waiting for that text you said you would send on Friday that never came through. Dude, you blind sided me, and as selfish as I make it seem, I can’t help but wonder what thoughts were going through your head as you had your very last second of life.
I was still in shock and disbelief so I called you.. You didn’t answer, but I left you a voice message anyway telling you how much you are loved and how sweet it is to be free to live your forth day without worry. I was waiting for that text you said you would send on Friday that never came through. I don’t like being reintroduced to feelings I don’t want to know and moments like these, we have no control of. I’m sad that you’re gone, but glad that your demons will no longer stand as giants over you..
January 17th will be the most painful day forever, for me, but I wish you all best, send you love beyond what your heart can desire, and hope you rest in peace.